A Rite of Passage - Yes, Another One

Last night was the scariest night of my life. It sounds dramatic, but it's true. Last night I faced head on the fact that one of my babies might not be okay. Thankfully, blessedly, she is okay, but for a few minutes I was literally scared to death. The day started out normally enough. Baby Girl had been sick, again, with what seemed to be either another cold or allergies. I don't even take her to the doctor for these anymore, if I did we would be at the doctor every week, and all they can do is tell me how to best keep her comfortable - again. Around dinner time The Husband really noticed that Baby Girl was wheezing. She had been tired and needy all afternoon, and wanted nothing more than to be held and cuddled. "Sleep on Mommy, Sleep on Daddy," is what she would say. Anyway, I gave her the cold medicine the pediatrician recommended earlier in the week and began to get her ready for bed. I noticed really quickly that something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. The Husband had taken Little Man out into the front yard so he could burn off some energy before bed, but I thought they were out for a walk. Anyway, I didn't have anyone to consult with, so without much thought I decided to call the pediatrician. It was about 7:30 on a Sunday night. I left a message with the answering service, who promised me a nurse would call back within 3o minutes. Meanwhile, the way Baby Girl was breathing reminded me of when she had croup a few months ago. It was hot outside last night, so all I could think to do was open the freezer door and sit with Baby Girl in my lap, hoping the cold air would help her breathe a bit better. We sat there for about 15 minutes before the nurse called back, and after listening to me describe Baby Girl's symptoms she recommended to go to the urgent care center. We had to hurry, the center is about 2o minutes away and they closed in 55 minutes. So I go outside to find The Husband, I tell him our plans, and I hurry to get dressed. Yes, I was already in my pjs, I also needed a shower but was waiting on the kids to go to bed first. I knew the shower had to wait. As I was getting dressed things went downhill fast. Baby Girl started really laboring hard to breathe. The Husband, who has asthma, ran into the bathroom and told me to hurry, not to worry about packing a bag full of things to keep Baby Girl occupied, just to hurry! He said that he was going with us, that her breathing had gotten even worse and it wasn't safe to put her without an extra adult to attend to her. At that point, we ran out the door. Literally. Baby Girl didn't even have on shoes or socks. Little Man was with us, we didn't grab a sippy or a toy for him. We just left. I sat in the backseat next to Baby Girl and The Husband handed me his inhaler and says, "She's about to lock up, give her this." I don't, I didn't want to give her an adult dose, it didn't seem like it was that bad yet, but I held on tight to the inhaler. I sang songs to help keep my little girl happy and calm, and it worked. She was all smiles, even through she was obviously struggling to perform the most basic function - breathing. About half way to the center, I became really scared. Baby Girl was smiling, but there was a look in her eyes, it seemed almost like panic. She was trying to sing, but she couldn't. Her voice kept coming out almost like a gurgle. It was absolutely terrifying. I almost lost it. I imagined the worst, although i was trying hard not to. I had to keep it together, struggle that it was, because my main goal was to keep her calm so she could breathe easier. Little Man was the sweetest big brother. He knew something big was up, and he just kept singing with me, asking his little sister what song she wanted next after we finished one. I just love him, and her! They are the most wonderful children!After the longest drive in history, we finally made it to the urgent care center. I unbuckled Baby Girl from her car seat and didn't even wait until the car had completely stopped rolling before we were out the door. I walked right up to the front desk and said, "She's been wheezing, it's getting worse, and she's really struggling to breathe." The nurses stopped doing vitals on another child and immediately started working on Baby Girl. That poor other child, a small part of me felt bad about that, although I knew it was necessary. They walked us back to a room even as they listened to her lungs. They didn't even ask us her name, or for an insurance card or anything. I was so relieved and scared at the same time from their response. We were literally back in a room with an oxygen mask strapped to her face before The Husband and Little Man had a chance to walk in the front door. They ended up giving Baby Girl two breathing treatments, which helped her tremendously. The oxygen mask they gave her was shaped like a dinosaur, it had pink horns and feathers. Baby Girl loved it, touched it, said, "Roar," and laughed. Oh, my heart, I love you so much. After two breathing treatments her oxygen was at 95%. Not good enough to go home. The urgent care center was about to close, so they told us we would have to go to the hospital with her. In fact, they said she wasn't stable enough to go by car, because the breathing treatments might wear off, and she was still struggling to breathe and had a 95% rate even with an oxygen mask. So by ambulance we go. The fire department ended up showing up, which was pretty cool for Little Man, I just hope he didn't feel too left out that he didn't get to ride in the back with his mommy and sister. We were on our way to the ER, our first ER visit since becoming parents. While waiting for the ambulance, I joked with The Husband that we had done pretty good, we'd been parents for 4 1/2 years and were only now going to the ER. Also while waiting I called mom and asked her to meet The Husband and Little Man at the house, so The Husband could then meet us at the hospital. I felt bad asking her, she had just driven to Arkansas to see my grandmother who is in the hospital, and road trips are really bad on mom's back, but I didn't know what else to do. I also text my friend who is an ER nurse at the children's hospital. She wasn't working last night, and we were disappointed about that, but she called ahead of time and let them know we were VIPs. ;) So, the ambulance ride - it was pretty cute. Baby Girl was all hopped up on drugs at this point, and she was loving all the special attention. The ambulance has a special seat that folds down and turns into a car seat with a harness. So she was sitting up high in the seat, she had her pink dinosaur mask on, an O2 monitor on her finger, and a tiny little blood pressure cuff on her arm. Did I mention she was barefoot? I think I did. She was flirting with the EMT, extending her foot over to him, and saying, "Tippy toes." Actually she doesn't say tippy toes, but thankfully she had her mask on so the EMT didn't realize what she was really saying! Throughout the ride her eyes would get big and she'd say, "Oh, noisy!" and "Oh, bumpy!" It was very noisy and bumpy, riding in that big box is a lot different than riding in the back of a car! I debated taking a picture of her, she was so cute, and thankfully she had been stable for a while by that point. I didn't do it, though, it just seemed wrong to pull out my phone and snap a picture during all of this. We finally arrived at the hospital, escorted by two firemen/EMTs, and we had to do a quick check-in. At this point, the novelty had worn off for Baby Girl and she started acting out, not that I blame her. It was about 10:00, maybe 10:30 at night, so it was way past her bedtime, and she had lots of medicine coursing through her body. She was throwing her giraffe, her blanket, pulling things out of my purse and throwing them as well. The staff took it in stride, I'm sure they've seen all kinds of things from sick kids. Anyway, we got into a room right away, I'm not sure if it was due to the firemen escorts or the phone call from my friend Kelly. Maybe a combination of both, thank you, Kelly! Two nurses come in and hook her up again, heart leads, O2 monitor, but no oxygen this time. Baby Girl is relieved, she doesn't want anything to do with that dinosaur face mask at this point! All her stats look good, a sweet nurse brings her a toy and some books, and we wait for Daddy and the doctor. I crawl up onto that hospital bed and snuggle my Baby Girl. I felt like I almost lost her. I know that may sound dramatic, and I may have been dramatic, but that's how I felt. To see her struggle so hard for every breath and then to see her doing so well, asking for a red popsicle and beaming when she got it - Wow. I hope we're never that scared for the well-being of our children ever again. It has to be the worst feeling ever. Anyway, time goes by and we were seen by the doctors, she had a chest x-ray, which was fine, we get our medicines, and we go home. It's about 12:00 at this point. That's probably the quickest ER visit known to man, again - Thank you, Kelly! We arrive home with a Baby Girl who is WIRED! She keep rolling her head around and laughing. She even shook her head from side to side to make her hair fly. The nurse at the hospital saw that, snorted, and said, "Good luck tonight." We say goodbye to Gram, go upstairs to kiss Little Man goodnight, and try to go to bed. Yeah right! We end up watching two cartoons and then we just turned out the light. Baby Girl tossed and turned for a good bit but finally went to sleep. I wish I could say the same for me, did I doze - yes, sleep - no. Oh well, it isn't the first night of fitful sleep for this mama and I'm sure it won't be the last. Sweet Baby Girl was much better this morning, we woke up on the couch, I guess we fell asleep there after having to give her a hit off the inhaler at 5:00 am. What a night. I am so thankful, relieved, and happy that Baby Girl is all right, but I feel like I've run a marathon. My poor momma heart almost couldn't take it. Saying lots of prayers of thanks tonight. Thank you for igniting my momma instinct and getting me to call the doctor, thank you for igniting the daddy instinct and having him hurry us along. Thank you for modern medicine, and an almost empty waiting room. Thank you for family to take care of Little Man and make him feel safe and secure. Thank you for a wonderful husband who knows only how to be an amazing father. Thank you for the great response Baby Girl had to treatment. Thank you for her good spirits throughout the entire ordeal. Thank you for keeping her safe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Blessed

What a great morning! I'm having one of those wonderful moments of clarity, when I realize how incredibly blessed I am. I have a loving husband who is a good man. I have healthy, happy, loving, and fun and goofy children who make me smile every single day. I have a nice home. Forget that it's on the small side, and that it's nothing fancy. It's comfortable, pretty, it brings me joy (especially today because it's clean!!), and it provides shelter and a loving space for my family. We have our health. We have fun together, we all flew airplanes at the park yesterday, Little Man, The Husband, and I laughed so hard together! The Husband has a good job, which provides security for us, which lets us breath easy at night and enjoy the small things. And countless other things, like being able to have extras like going out to eat, taking the kids on a trip (the space museum and a train ride are in the works, I can't wait!), and signing Little Man up for a soccer league. I love my life, thank you , God for blessing me in so many ways.

New Mom Registry Woes

I love looking at the gift registries of new moms. Sometimes they are absolutely freaking hilarious! Don't worry, I'm not passing judgement, I was a new mom once, too. I'm sure if the veteran, seasoned mom that I am now was able to travel back in time and take a peek at my old registry (as if, if I could time travel I wouldn't waste it to do something so lame, maybe to be that new mom again, but reviewing my registry -no) I would probably get a few laughs at myself as well. I looked up the registry of a friend today, she's expecting her first baby this summer. Here are a few standouts- 40 pairs of socks, 32 of them white, all sized 0-6 months!! Holy Batman, you will lose a few socks, but not nearly that many! An 8-pack of white is all you need, if you're adventurous you can add an 8-pack of colored socks, too. 5 packs of 152 sized-1 diapers! I will admit, this is much better than registering for umpteen newborn diapers, which always makes me cringe. My firstborn skipped the newborn size all together, and was out of size 1 at about a month and a half. At least diapers are easy to exchange for another size. A complete coordinating layette, you know, onesies, pants, shorts, little shirts, mittens, hats, and, yes, more socks (I didn't count these socks in the original 40 pair), that comes in a boxed set. Plus, four packs of bodysuits and a handful of outfits. All cute. Cute, cute, cute, but all sized 9 months and smaller. The baby doesn't really need all that much to wear. Really. A few layette items will do, as well as a few "going out" things. I know my kids often wore the same few outfits over and again, and they had a lot of brand new, with tags items hanging in the closet. This is definitely a case of less is more. Also, after having my showers for my first child, I realized that it was pointless to register for clothes. People love to buy baby clothes, you will get them by the bucketfulls, and it won't be what you registered for anyway. Often a good thing, as my kids received some cute and unexpected clothes! 8 hooded towels. Yes, eight. This one really had me rolling. Eight! What are you going to do with all of them? When you have a newborn or an infant, heck, even a toddler or preschooler, you do laundry EVERY DAY. When you're super busy you put it off to every other day, but still, you're always doing laundry. So two hooded towels should be just fine. :) Again, I'm not passing judgement, although I realize to some this may sound like a real b*tchy post. It's not!! I would never, never say anything to a friend in real life, or even write this if there were any way anyone could figure out who I'm referring to. I just got a laugh and thought I would share. It's just the perspective of a mom whose been there a time or two. :)

Rite of Passage

I feel like Little Man and I have experienced a parental rite of passage together. Yesterday Baby Girl and I sat in carpool line, picked Little Man up, and headed home. We weren't but a few yards from the school property, (and a good 10 minutes from home) when I heard Little Man say, "I feel like I'm gonna throw up." Uh-oh. I didn't think much of it, he looked fine, but still I hit the gas a little bit. It wasn't but a few seconds later, though, that IT happened. Buckets of IT. Lots and lots of IT. Everywhere. I didn't have so much as a kleenex to help clean Little Man up. I did manage to spot a wayward sock in my passenger seat. I usually don't keep random things in my car, but I had recently bought new running shoes and packed a pair of socks, and I guess one fell out of my purse and onto the seat. We used that to wipe up his face, but the rest of him, his booster seat, under and behind the booster seat, the floor - covered. He was wearing a rain jacket, but nevertheless the two layers he had on under it were soaked. His underthings and socks were even soaked. Am I giving you enough of a visual image? It's an understatement to say that it was gross and disgusting. Anyway, we made it home okay. I kept asking Little Man if he was all right, or if he could wipe his face. Poor thing couldn't even talk, he just kept replying with noises, "Uhhhhhhhhhh." I got the nasty clothes off and in the wash, and got my sweet thing settled on the couch. My dear, sweet, wonderful husband came home after a long day's work and cleaned out my car. If that's not love, I don't know what is. Little Man was fine after about an hour. He's been a bit, um, backed up this week, and I think that's what the problem is. I don't think he has a bug or anything. I've kept him home from school today and am giving him lots of juice, fruit, and a bit of medicine. Hopefully he will find relief soon, and for both our sakes I hope it comes out the right end. :)

One Day

Wow, we are having one of those days. Actually, it's probably just me, but it seems like we've "had one of those days" for several days in a row now. The kids are doing crazy stuff. Actually, it's probably just normal kid's stuff, but mercy! Seriously. I know that one day my house will be clean, and quiet, will stay clean, and be mostly clutter-free. I know that one day I will be able to finish a simple task quickly, without an interruption (or twenty), and that I will easily be able to check off everything on my to-do list. I know that. I tell myself that when it takes me 20 MINUTES to unload the dishwasher, because I'm constantly having to stop and attend to something the kids need. Even though I set them up with a game, or colors, a book, or even a cartoon beforehand. One day I'll be able to cook dinner without a toddler literally hanging off my leg, and often repeatedly pulling down my pants in the process, saying, "Hold you, hold you" over and over again. And without a preschooler crying and throwing a fit because a toy isn't working right, or he wants to do something that requires grownup hands and my hands are busy at the stove. One day everyone will eat the meals that I cook, and enjoy it, instead of taking one look at something they loved yesterday, grimacing, and saying, "I dooonn't like it." One day everyone will go to bed without a tantrum, or without dragging the process out to 2 HOURS with "I have to go to the bathroom (when they don't), or "I need a drink of water", or whatever comes to mind to drag out bedtime for 5 more minutes. One day the The Husband and I will have enough energy after the bedtime process to have a real conversation. As it is, we have several pressing family matters that need attending to, but since one of us passes out before the other finishes making sure Little Man is asleep and won't come running downstairs the second we make it down ourselves, those important conversations aren't happening. One day. Oh, I know that this time is fleeting, and I'm not wishing it away. Truly I'm not. There's a big part of me that wants them to stay little forever. I know that soon enough they'll be rolling their eyes at me, and saying, "Mo-om" at everything I say or do. Soon enough they'll think I'm a do-do and don't know anything about anything. Then they'll go to college, leave, get married...my house will be clean and quiet....and I will miss them so much. I will miss this so much. I know that. This is just a little vent. Sometimes it's hard that I feel like I never get anything done, and that my house is always a mess, even though I clean everyday. Sometimes it's just frustrating. But it's so rewarding, and lovely. I love my kids! I am SO BLESSED!! There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be. I am so very, very, very thankful that I am able to stay home with my precious gifts, my two slices of heaven. Some days, like today, I just need to remind myself of that.

Aw, Dammit

From Baby Girl today -

"Aw, dammit!" - in an entirely appropriate context. I wonder who taught her that phrase? Hmm, I think I'm guilty of that one.

...and I'm about to enjoy nap time. After a few days of go, go, go and very little rest or sleep at night, I'm going to put the kids down for a nap, sit on my bed, eat my lunch, and watch my DVR. Heaven.

Sleepless

Little Man last night:

After nearly two hours of "bedtime," he snuck back downstairs and asked to sleep in our bed. I said "no," as neither the Hubs nor I sleep well with our tossing, turning, arm slinging, and kicking son in our bed, although we do enjoy having him with us. So then Little Man says, "If you let me sleep in your bed I'll snuggle with you in the morning, if you don't I won't give you any snuggles." The Hubs looks at me and says, "Snuggles, the only currency he has." Guess where Little Man slept? That's right...yawn.