A Rite of Passage - Yes, Another One

Last night was the scariest night of my life. It sounds dramatic, but it's true. Last night I faced head on the fact that one of my babies might not be okay. Thankfully, blessedly, she is okay, but for a few minutes I was literally scared to death. The day started out normally enough. Baby Girl had been sick, again, with what seemed to be either another cold or allergies. I don't even take her to the doctor for these anymore, if I did we would be at the doctor every week, and all they can do is tell me how to best keep her comfortable - again. Around dinner time The Husband really noticed that Baby Girl was wheezing. She had been tired and needy all afternoon, and wanted nothing more than to be held and cuddled. "Sleep on Mommy, Sleep on Daddy," is what she would say. Anyway, I gave her the cold medicine the pediatrician recommended earlier in the week and began to get her ready for bed. I noticed really quickly that something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't put my finger on it. The Husband had taken Little Man out into the front yard so he could burn off some energy before bed, but I thought they were out for a walk. Anyway, I didn't have anyone to consult with, so without much thought I decided to call the pediatrician. It was about 7:30 on a Sunday night. I left a message with the answering service, who promised me a nurse would call back within 3o minutes. Meanwhile, the way Baby Girl was breathing reminded me of when she had croup a few months ago. It was hot outside last night, so all I could think to do was open the freezer door and sit with Baby Girl in my lap, hoping the cold air would help her breathe a bit better. We sat there for about 15 minutes before the nurse called back, and after listening to me describe Baby Girl's symptoms she recommended to go to the urgent care center. We had to hurry, the center is about 2o minutes away and they closed in 55 minutes. So I go outside to find The Husband, I tell him our plans, and I hurry to get dressed. Yes, I was already in my pjs, I also needed a shower but was waiting on the kids to go to bed first. I knew the shower had to wait. As I was getting dressed things went downhill fast. Baby Girl started really laboring hard to breathe. The Husband, who has asthma, ran into the bathroom and told me to hurry, not to worry about packing a bag full of things to keep Baby Girl occupied, just to hurry! He said that he was going with us, that her breathing had gotten even worse and it wasn't safe to put her without an extra adult to attend to her. At that point, we ran out the door. Literally. Baby Girl didn't even have on shoes or socks. Little Man was with us, we didn't grab a sippy or a toy for him. We just left. I sat in the backseat next to Baby Girl and The Husband handed me his inhaler and says, "She's about to lock up, give her this." I don't, I didn't want to give her an adult dose, it didn't seem like it was that bad yet, but I held on tight to the inhaler. I sang songs to help keep my little girl happy and calm, and it worked. She was all smiles, even through she was obviously struggling to perform the most basic function - breathing. About half way to the center, I became really scared. Baby Girl was smiling, but there was a look in her eyes, it seemed almost like panic. She was trying to sing, but she couldn't. Her voice kept coming out almost like a gurgle. It was absolutely terrifying. I almost lost it. I imagined the worst, although i was trying hard not to. I had to keep it together, struggle that it was, because my main goal was to keep her calm so she could breathe easier. Little Man was the sweetest big brother. He knew something big was up, and he just kept singing with me, asking his little sister what song she wanted next after we finished one. I just love him, and her! They are the most wonderful children!After the longest drive in history, we finally made it to the urgent care center. I unbuckled Baby Girl from her car seat and didn't even wait until the car had completely stopped rolling before we were out the door. I walked right up to the front desk and said, "She's been wheezing, it's getting worse, and she's really struggling to breathe." The nurses stopped doing vitals on another child and immediately started working on Baby Girl. That poor other child, a small part of me felt bad about that, although I knew it was necessary. They walked us back to a room even as they listened to her lungs. They didn't even ask us her name, or for an insurance card or anything. I was so relieved and scared at the same time from their response. We were literally back in a room with an oxygen mask strapped to her face before The Husband and Little Man had a chance to walk in the front door. They ended up giving Baby Girl two breathing treatments, which helped her tremendously. The oxygen mask they gave her was shaped like a dinosaur, it had pink horns and feathers. Baby Girl loved it, touched it, said, "Roar," and laughed. Oh, my heart, I love you so much. After two breathing treatments her oxygen was at 95%. Not good enough to go home. The urgent care center was about to close, so they told us we would have to go to the hospital with her. In fact, they said she wasn't stable enough to go by car, because the breathing treatments might wear off, and she was still struggling to breathe and had a 95% rate even with an oxygen mask. So by ambulance we go. The fire department ended up showing up, which was pretty cool for Little Man, I just hope he didn't feel too left out that he didn't get to ride in the back with his mommy and sister. We were on our way to the ER, our first ER visit since becoming parents. While waiting for the ambulance, I joked with The Husband that we had done pretty good, we'd been parents for 4 1/2 years and were only now going to the ER. Also while waiting I called mom and asked her to meet The Husband and Little Man at the house, so The Husband could then meet us at the hospital. I felt bad asking her, she had just driven to Arkansas to see my grandmother who is in the hospital, and road trips are really bad on mom's back, but I didn't know what else to do. I also text my friend who is an ER nurse at the children's hospital. She wasn't working last night, and we were disappointed about that, but she called ahead of time and let them know we were VIPs. ;) So, the ambulance ride - it was pretty cute. Baby Girl was all hopped up on drugs at this point, and she was loving all the special attention. The ambulance has a special seat that folds down and turns into a car seat with a harness. So she was sitting up high in the seat, she had her pink dinosaur mask on, an O2 monitor on her finger, and a tiny little blood pressure cuff on her arm. Did I mention she was barefoot? I think I did. She was flirting with the EMT, extending her foot over to him, and saying, "Tippy toes." Actually she doesn't say tippy toes, but thankfully she had her mask on so the EMT didn't realize what she was really saying! Throughout the ride her eyes would get big and she'd say, "Oh, noisy!" and "Oh, bumpy!" It was very noisy and bumpy, riding in that big box is a lot different than riding in the back of a car! I debated taking a picture of her, she was so cute, and thankfully she had been stable for a while by that point. I didn't do it, though, it just seemed wrong to pull out my phone and snap a picture during all of this. We finally arrived at the hospital, escorted by two firemen/EMTs, and we had to do a quick check-in. At this point, the novelty had worn off for Baby Girl and she started acting out, not that I blame her. It was about 10:00, maybe 10:30 at night, so it was way past her bedtime, and she had lots of medicine coursing through her body. She was throwing her giraffe, her blanket, pulling things out of my purse and throwing them as well. The staff took it in stride, I'm sure they've seen all kinds of things from sick kids. Anyway, we got into a room right away, I'm not sure if it was due to the firemen escorts or the phone call from my friend Kelly. Maybe a combination of both, thank you, Kelly! Two nurses come in and hook her up again, heart leads, O2 monitor, but no oxygen this time. Baby Girl is relieved, she doesn't want anything to do with that dinosaur face mask at this point! All her stats look good, a sweet nurse brings her a toy and some books, and we wait for Daddy and the doctor. I crawl up onto that hospital bed and snuggle my Baby Girl. I felt like I almost lost her. I know that may sound dramatic, and I may have been dramatic, but that's how I felt. To see her struggle so hard for every breath and then to see her doing so well, asking for a red popsicle and beaming when she got it - Wow. I hope we're never that scared for the well-being of our children ever again. It has to be the worst feeling ever. Anyway, time goes by and we were seen by the doctors, she had a chest x-ray, which was fine, we get our medicines, and we go home. It's about 12:00 at this point. That's probably the quickest ER visit known to man, again - Thank you, Kelly! We arrive home with a Baby Girl who is WIRED! She keep rolling her head around and laughing. She even shook her head from side to side to make her hair fly. The nurse at the hospital saw that, snorted, and said, "Good luck tonight." We say goodbye to Gram, go upstairs to kiss Little Man goodnight, and try to go to bed. Yeah right! We end up watching two cartoons and then we just turned out the light. Baby Girl tossed and turned for a good bit but finally went to sleep. I wish I could say the same for me, did I doze - yes, sleep - no. Oh well, it isn't the first night of fitful sleep for this mama and I'm sure it won't be the last. Sweet Baby Girl was much better this morning, we woke up on the couch, I guess we fell asleep there after having to give her a hit off the inhaler at 5:00 am. What a night. I am so thankful, relieved, and happy that Baby Girl is all right, but I feel like I've run a marathon. My poor momma heart almost couldn't take it. Saying lots of prayers of thanks tonight. Thank you for igniting my momma instinct and getting me to call the doctor, thank you for igniting the daddy instinct and having him hurry us along. Thank you for modern medicine, and an almost empty waiting room. Thank you for family to take care of Little Man and make him feel safe and secure. Thank you for a wonderful husband who knows only how to be an amazing father. Thank you for the great response Baby Girl had to treatment. Thank you for her good spirits throughout the entire ordeal. Thank you for keeping her safe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.