So many emotions are swirling around inside me right now. I'm a big ole merry-go-round of fear, sadness, relief, guilt, and hope, with a big dose of a fight-it attitude.
The results of Mom's second test came back, and her doctors are recommending surgery. The good news is that her ovaries are fine, not a speck on them. The bad news is that she has two very suspicious tumors on one of her kidneys. I learned that after 50, lumps/cysts/tumors on the kidneys are normal, but the doctors don't like the looks of two of these spots. A biopsy is not recommended, because the tumors have a bit of fluid in them, and they don't want any of the fluid to seep into Mom's system, in case they are indeed cancerous. So...she's having a portion of her kidney removed, in a little under two weeks.
This is one of the scariest journeys I've ever been on.
I'm thinking a lot about my sweet husband, who lost his father to cancer a little over two years ago. One of my most recurrent thoughts, "Ahh, so this is what he felt like. I'm so sorry, sweetie, I only wish I'd known..."
This is the stuff of life. This is what makes us who we are. This is what makes us savor, enjoy, and eat up with a spoon the normal, beautiful, everyday days that make up our life.
In a weird sort of way, this is the perfect mother's day gift. I know that sounds morbid, but nothing makes one appreciate a mom like the thought of losing her. I'm reminded of all the fun times, the sweet, selfless things my mom did for me. Forget all the other stuff. In the 3 1/2 years since I've been a mom, I've learned that mom's make mistakes, too, sometimes big ones.
Remember the good, forget the rest.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8)."
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